Class 4: November 14

So this was the last class. I had to call out of work in order to go since he changed the day to Monday night instead of Friday night. He also sent an email with specific details for our 5 minute presentation for class 2 and a half hours before class started. I was literally at work when it came into my inbox. I had an hour and a half between when I got out of work and the start of class so I at least had a little time to throw something together. Definitely didn't help my anxiety at all. Honestly, I couldn't believe that he did that. I managed to get something coherent together to talk about in class. The worst part of the paper writing process so far has been the fact that none of the people I emailed to solicit their opinion responded. I'm still hopeful that maybe they are just taking their time and at the last minute at least one of them will come through for me. I really wanted to present a well rounded perspective, but that is difficult if the players involved don't care to participate. Otherwise, I really just need to start writing. This paper is due December 8th. I also have 2 other deliverables planned to do, but the major paper needs to be done first. I also have 2 presentations between now and then that I have to do first. It really is coming down to the wire and the semester is almost over. I had hoped by my last blog post, I would feel more prepared and accomplished than I do at the moment, but I do feel a little better than I did when this journey began. I will post my video on the blog, so that will really be the end.

Class 3: November 4

There was a fair bit of stress coming into this class. We had two deliverables due, an outline and a annotated bibliography. I spent a decent amount of time researching, but I am not where near completed. Class was also moved back a week so now I only have a week and a half before the next class. Luckily the deliverables were actually due to be submitted online last night so I had time to make changes. My paper has moved into a different direction from being more fundamentally rooted in history and theoretical thinking about bureaucracy's role in education to the implications of Maine's current leadership. It has taken on a more political tone, which is not my forte. In fact I actually despise the delicacy needed in politics. I am not very delicate and I prefer when people are upfront about their intentions. Whether I like it or not education is inherently intertwined in politics. So perhaps this will be a good lesson for me. Class was only slightly more useful in that I actually spoke and got feedback on my topic from my classmates. That feedback has really helped me work out what is at the core of what I want to explore. Is leadership only considered leadership if it is stable and dynamic? Can bureaucracy be a good thing in the face of instability at the top, as in the tasks still get completed? Will Maine take the opportunity for flexibility given by the federal government under ESSA to chart out its path for the future or will it return that power to the districts? Do district leaders have the desire and capacity to set the priorities for their own students and schools? Of course my paper simply cannot cover all of these ideas, but it is a starting place to consider our future. There is opportunity here for some entity to step in the accountability power vacuum vacated by the federal government. I want to make that clear to those wondering about the future direction of Maine's education policy.

Class 2: September 30

So I'm going to come right out and say it... I'm disappointed. I hope this is the low point in this whole process. The deliverable due this class was a one page 'precis' or a summary of what we planned to write our policy paper about and how we were planning on completing that process. I had my paper all written and printed, ready for class. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the last class went so well that I had high hopes. Well, the only thing we did for 3 hours was take turns telling the group what we had written and then Jose gave some Socratic method type feedback. However, class time wasn't managed very effectively and I didn't even get to go. So I spend 3 hours sitting there doing nothing. My time is really limited, I'll talk more on that later. So I jealously guard against any 'wastes' of time that I possibly can. This class felt like a waste of time. I honestly don't feel like I'm getting my money's worth paying for this 3 credit class. It is not up to an instructor to motivate his pupil, at least, perhaps not in grad school. However, I have felt a dip in my enthusiasm and my ability to push through my procrastination to create a product for the next class. I have even asked for a week extension and I still haven't started. I could blame the fact that I really feel like I'm treating my school work like triage, doing what is next in line to be due. So I never get to practicum work before the next week begins and I am doing my weekly homework again. I had to call out of work tonight in order to get this journal entry completed. Tomorrow I will work on the annotated bibliography and this weekend I will work on the outline. I really need to get my ducks in a row. It would be a shame to fail a pass/fail class. I'm hoping this is low point in my journey to the final product and I can regroup and get organized to make a game plan to finish with flourish. On a side note, I reached out to a contact made for me by one of my classmates, perhaps something will come of that. I need to figure out who I need to email before it is too late. Three tasks 1. annotated bibliography 2. paper outline 3. contact primary sources. Leggo!

Class 1: August 26

A good a place to start as any is with what I thought the practicum meeting was going to be like. In fact I had discussed this very topic with a few of my classmates immediately before we arrived to the meeting. I really was hoping that these meetings would not be a 'waste of time' and I know how horrible that sounds. However, I had never met the professor before and I didn't personally have too high expectations. Despite the rave reviews I had heard from anyone and everyone who had met him I thought the tone of his emails seemed cold and indifferent. I really hoped we wouldn't spend an hour of the 3 hour class going around the room talking about our practicum experience, since we had done that twice already this summer. I really wanted some specific direction and guidance on how in the world come December I will have a 20-25 page policy paper in hand. I know I will get there and December will arrive, but I really can't imagine it at the moment. To say the meeting and the professor were nothing like I had in mind would be the understatement of the semester. In the short time he talked about himself, I found myself hanging on the edge of my seat. To be honest I didn't like that. As a long practicing pessimist, I'm immediately wary of anyone I find myself liking immediately without a tangible reason. So for the first hour I sat there, thinking, 'Is this guy for real?' It wasn't so much what this professor had done in his life, although that was also impressive, it was more about the way he talked about what he did. He not only talked about what he did and where, but he voluntarily told us why he did what he did. Why he chose those experience and what he got out of them. To me, that is the heart of the matter, and often takes some serious weaseling and modest manipulation to get others to divulge these internal thoughts to outsiders. Here this professor was handing this information out for free, to use and judge as we would. It was brave, in my opinion, as someone who keeps things close to the vest. He didn't think it was brave and he certainly didn't do it because he wanted others to see him being brave, it appeared, from my vantage, to just be his way. He was so authentically himself in everything he did, from discussing his accomplishments to talking about the syllabus. So I found the tangible thing that drew me to the edge of my seat; his authenticity. So for the rest of the class, I allowed myself to like the professor. We did 2 activities during the meeting. The first activity was a 'get to know you activity.' As everyone stifled an inward groan, he explained that while we think we might know everyone in the room, there is always something else a person has to teach us. This sounded all very Buddha/Gandhi or whatever to me. I've spent the last year in the same classrooms as these people and I've heard/read their intellectual thoughts. I've also heard the superficial things they have talked about. To be honest I don't do much talking, which is strange since my friends back home can't get me to shut up. I think I'm just a different person here. I was paired with Abigail and she told me about herself and her life. I won't repeat here all that I shared out in class, but her life experiences make her value diversity and differences in others and others' experiences. She really believes in energy and stuff like that. She is completely different than I am in almost every way. Except we like the same color nail polish. It was nice hearing about everyone else in the room too. I did learn a lot about where my classmates come from. I'm sure I heard it the very first time we introduced our self a year ago, but now I can see how some of those facts about where we come from and who we are, has influenced what we think about topics discussed in the past. The second activity we wrote about what feelings we had about our Practicum experience and topics we were thinking about writing our paper about. Two topics I'm thinking about are: 1. the state implementation of ESSA, the intersection of federal policy and state policy and the intricacies of communication and 2. Leadership: Is it important in a bureaucracy? My feelings about ESSA are that I want to understand it to a deep degree. My knowledge of NCLB was mostly what I heard and experienced from practicing teachers or as a student. I want to know how this is better and how Maine's education system will be bettered by ESSA. My feelings on the issue of the intersection of state and federal policy has a lot to do with the issue with leadership and the lack of communication in the different levels of government. It seems redundant and silly. My feelings on the question of leadership are more potent. I'm trying to stay objective but its difficult if the people feel a certain way and all the leadership does is tell them to feel a different way that's so unproductive. Where I am currently in my journey: I've learned a lot from this practicum experience and a lot of things I wouldn't have if I hadn't seen or heard them myself. I need to find more academic information to back up any statements I make or conclusions I draw on the state of things. I need to ask the superintendents why they feel like the commissioner doesn't provide adequate leadership. I need start writing the questions and thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head to better flush out what direction I want to go. What I want my final piece to do is to be understood by regular people. I want positive change to result. In my wildest dreams, I hope someone with the power to increase communication within the state government to read it.